Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Why Wear Shoes?

Why wear shoes? Why? That is the question. The age old question that has puzzled many a philosopher, thinker, speaker, and shoemaker for ages. Since the very dawn of time people have asked, "Why wear shoes? Why? And wherefore?" And it only stands to reason! Think what a world it is with shoes, and what a world it could be by the lack thereof? The woes shoes bring upon us in our shoed state, and the shoelessness that would evolve from a shoeless and unshoeingness world.
Let us examine this massive problem. What do shoes accomplish? What does shoedom do for us in our shoed world? Well simply, they keep our socks (relatively) clean and somewhat intact, and provide some sense of security for shoe-wearing persons. They also provide the shoed an excuse to laugh and have a psychological edge on the shoeless. So many a person throughout history has looked down on his shoeless brother and said, "Ha! Behold my shoes! Fear me!" and trembled.
Let us also examine the problems shoes pose, as opposed to posing unshoeless problems posed already. High heels, for example. As a great thinker and incredible philosopher on life once said, recently, "Lady, if they're killing you...don't WEAR them! Please!" Behold the many foot and leg problems caused by this odd and unusual shoe problem called fashionable high heels, in which women wear...for reasons still unknown to man. The only real reasons man (as in, man) can come up with to this point is 1) As a height improvement and 2) as an impedement to running and 3) any reasons not yet mentioned. Thus, the problem. Why? Why wear shoes? To what end do this state of shoeness and its shoed qualities bring us? Why do we remained shoed, when our shoes merely shoe us from the shoelessness of shoedom in all its shoeling shores? Logically, its impossible, and more important, its improbable.
And behold, the issue of flip-flops. To this day, the major fashionable and somewhat popular fad of shoes which are not shoes exists, in the form of flip-flops. Why? Why flip-flops? Why do we flip flop around with flips and flops when our flopping and flipping is flippingly floppant? What does this flopping and flipping accomplish except for further flip-flopingness? They provide no protection. You toes will still be nailed if someone steps on your flip-flopped shoed/unshoed toes with or without sock. Do we wear them just for the psychological enjoyment of flip-flopping in our flip-flops? We flip and we flop without flipping out or flopping in our flipping flop flippers that do nothing but flip and flop. Futhermore, why flip? Why flop? The very economical problem posed by these little pieces of foamy flipping floppers is a concern. We pay good money to flip and flop in these flip-flops, and even flip to pay more flop for the flipping stickers and floppingness included. In short, the flops that these flipping flip-flop flip is a real flopping failure.
Thus, my point. Why flip? Why flop? Why high heels? Why sandals? Boots? Look at Puss In Boots. He was the first, and the greatest, to ever wear boots, and look what happened to him. Not only is he still a puss, but he's a booted puss. On several levels. Not only does his bootingness provide him nothing but a psychological edge for his pussness, it still remains to be seen whether the puss wears the boots, or the boots wear HIM!
Thus, the problem. Why? Why wear shoes? Why do we wear shoes? Why do we hide from hot concrete and painful gravel when our shoes do so much damage, to our economies, to our psychological minds, and our very history? Look at carbon footprinting! Why continue to wear shoes if our carbon shoes carbonate the uncarboned carbunkling carbines of shoelessness that could, would, and could have been? It makes no sense whatsoever.
So, my friends, my comrades, my brother, sisters, shoed minds, and boggles...I ask YOU! Why? Why wear shoes?


  1. So exactly *what* did you have for dinner tonight?

  2. BECAUSE! You can't tap dance without shoes - it simply does not work. ;)

  3. LOL....(wow) I wear shoes because my feet would take a serious beating if I didn't. I mean, I'm not like a hot-coal walking shaman or anything. ;)

    (Funny and interesting post, A.)


Blogger Template by Blogcrowds